My dear friend Al has a bum shoulder. Horrible for her, fortuitous for me as her stand-in on the Third Rail Bowling Team. Al eased my reservations about being a shitty bowler (no doubt she desperate to ease the shooting pains in her right arm):
“You don’t need to be good, you just need to improve”
“You’ll love these guys, they are hilarious”
“There’s beer drinking even!”
So I was sold, but still nervous. I had no idea how freaking cool this was going to be.
Here’s what’s been going on at the lanes for the last 3 weeks.
The Third Rail has won some major awards for high scores over averages: Flo won an 18lb turkey and The Hoff a Pinot duo.
The team has been employing a bunch of self help tactics to get them through some tough rounds:
Varsity has been talking to himself in the men’s room mirror. Edge, rejected the suggestion that he do the same after returning from a week hiatus.
Flo and Hoff tried imagining themselves the protégés of a handsome, fictional, foreign bowling coach named Ricardo.
I’ve been working to improve enough to be invited back by taking in all the great advice everyone from the shoe rental guy to our opposing teams has been offering up. While the advice is all valid, I must admit that most of it beyond, “stop thinking, keep drinking” and “pick that shit up” has been lost on me. I’m trying to stay positive.
This past Sunday Varsity made a huge breakthrough due to the help of G the super-sub. See, the third rail is lacking “stuff”, troll dolls, resin hand drying bags, etc. This week we were down one bowler and enlisted G’s help. Varsity enjoyed a high score the first round and was quickly disappointed in his performance in the second. We thought we would lose him to the men’s room for the rest of the evening until something clicked, and he asked G to use his towel. This may be Varsity’s new secret weapon.
...but still, the Third Rail needs some “stuff”.
I can’t let this post pass without mentioning the Edge’s bowling road show. Please see the video two posts down and be amazed. I was humbled. Bowling etiquette be damned, this is something to see.
Thanks for enduring this post. I promise to be better next time. This is my mantra, for bowling and blogging.
The Scores:
Week 12 The Thanksgiving Bowl!
E: 55/74/104
Hoff: 102/134/136
Varsity: 166/125/122
Flo: 104/136/90 ** winner of an 18lb turkey!
Week 13
Edge: 95/148/144
Hoff: 164/136/135
Varsity: 165/110/120
Flo: 96/135/93
Week 14 Bowling for Wine!
E: 99/95/118
Hoff: 142/162/163 ** winner of TWO bottles of wine!
Varsity: 165/124/130
G-Sub: 181/176/206
Sunday night's the last bowl for 2010! Come on down to Lanes and Games to cheer us on. Third Rail is currently in 5th place and hoping to move up the ranks to earn a CASH prize. We realize this is a long shot; but here's hoping our handicaps help us out. The Hoff promises to bring her wine & dixie cups for all to share ... we may even have a cheese ball.
Yes, DO show up for the final bowl of the year...a bring some presents, good cheer and a few good knock-knock jokes (is there such a thing?) to celebrate Flo's 4*th birthday. Okay, it's a day late, but it seems Third Rail bowlers will find any excuse to buy another round, and are an even easier mark when it comes to ordering food from the bar. (Green olives and cherries at the bottom of a cocktail glass DON'T count as food, by the way.)
ReplyDeleteNow if you don't know Flo's age and she isn't talking, I may divulge such information for a price. A used pair of bowling shoes, perhaps? I could even tell stories of birthday's past, like the time we went to the drive-in (yes, an actual drive-in) to see the double feature of "Charley and the Angel" and "Cinderella." That's "Charley and the Angel," NOT Charlie's Angels. Big difference. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069866/) But our mom, who was prone to getting headaches at the most inopportune times, felt one coming on about halfway through CA. We had to leave before Cinderella started, and it would be many years before Flo would see Cinderella meetin' her fella on the big screen. Sweet 16 or 18, I think.
I'd be there myself to buy a round and remind Flo that I am and always will be the YOUNGER brother, but I have to finish Christmas shopping this weekend and prepare for a week with my boys: buying food, making beds, planning menus, shoveling snow. It is amazing how quickly the 3 of us can go through a 16 lbs turkey. In fact, Flo, can you send that turkey my way.
As for the lucky trolls, I'll see what I can do for you. I'm going to Lark Toys tomorrow, and they have a troll room: big trolls, little trolls, trolls for $500! http://www.larktoys.com/ The centerpiece of this toy store is the carousel, for which the owner handcarved and painted all the animals. A sight to behold. And just across the river, in Wisconsin, you can get some kick-ass cheese balls. A Wisconsin nutty ball may just be the "stuff" you need to push the team to the next level, along with a talismanic pair of Aerobics or Wizard Trolls for good measure.
Good luck Sunday,and party like it's 1955!
Your Fan from Afar~
I'm still upset about leaving the drive-in before Cinderella started ... and, I remember it was you who got sick, not mom. Hmmmm, I'll have to ask her!
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I'm 30 .... again!