Monday, December 13, 2010

Week 14: Behind the Scenes

The Edge hinted last week that the blog is getting stale. We need new posts. Not only do we need to up our bowling game; we need to keep the blog up to date! Readers haven’t heard that Flo won an 18 lb turkey at the Thanksgiving bowl or that Varsity heads to the men’s room to give himself pep talks when he’s off his game. I will leave these stories for the real blog update. I’m here to assure you that, while there hasn’t been a new blog post online, there has been plenty of writing behind the scenes!

As you know, Al abdicated her captain position TEMPORARILY; however, she is still very much involved managing the new captains who haven’t figured out team strategy and the importance of pre-game motivational emails. Here’s just a hint of how fun it is to be on the Third Rail EMAIL list ....

As I put my kids to bed Saturday night, I happened to check email …

From: Al
To: Flo
Subject: Weird dream

Hey Flo,
I had a bizarre dream, that you sent out a message today about who's bowling tomorrow night. Anyway, do you know who's attending? Do I need to pay for a sub?

I fired off a quick email to Al and then another one to the team …

From: Flo
To: Al
Subject: RE: Weird dream

A weird thing to dream about for sure! I can send out an email to all ... It's going to be The Hoff, E and Varsity tomorrow night. Our subs couldn't bowl so I think it's just three.

From: Flo
To: Third Rail Bowling
Subject: Sunday’s line-up

Tomorrow's line-up:
The Hoff
Varsity / Twinkletoes
E "needs a nickname"

I will miss you tomorrow! I hope there's lots of action tomorrow, we have two more Sundays to move up in the standings ... show me the money!

I finished putting my kids to bed and was satisfied I had fulfilled my duties as co-captain. Around noon on Sunday, I logged on to email to find that my teammates had been busy …

From: Al
Subject: RE: Sunday’s line-up

I've been thinking about the sub vs bowling with three. If G is there, you're probably better off getting him to bowl as the 4th-he's unlikely to bowl 10 under his average, which is what we will automatically get for our missing bowler. I will pay for the 4th bowler, regardless of what you do.

May stop by for a beer, Al

ps-How bout the Rumdog for E?

From: Al
Alternate spelling: Rumdawg (tougher?)

From: Varsity
Dawg is always tougher- and much cooler.

From: The Hoff
The question is, can we afford to sacrifice Varsity's score for G's...?

From: Varsity
As in he will psych me out? I'm already playing crappy.

From: The Hoff
Yeah, that's what I was thinking, V -- we all know G messes with your head.

From: Varsity
I'll be fine. Only one person messes with my head... Me.

This is when I realized I failed in writing an appropriate pre-game email!

From: Flo
OMG! When Al sent me a friendly email reminder last night asking me to confirm Sunday's line-up, I thought she meant ... remind everyone to come on down to Lanes and Games at 6:30pm Sunday for some bowling and beers. Silly me! In hindsight, I realize I did not read between the lines to see that I was supposed to send out an email outlining our strategy going into week 15 and ensuring a spot in the top 3. I am clearly not cut out for the captain position!

Here is my last ditch effort ....

Third Rail is in 4th place going into tonight's competition. We have two more tries to break into the top three! I believe we have a chance. E has her handicap and, if she bowls above average, has the best chance to move us up. I do not remember whether the Capitalists or Socialists won the vote for cash distribution, i.e. whether winner takes all or the money is split three ways. Regardless we need to up our game, I'd love to see some cash!

My vote is E should henceforth be know as "Rumdog". Once her average is over 100, she evolves to "Rumdawg" and when she breaks 130 she's "DAWG!" ... hey, everyone needs a goal! Obviously, I have been watching too much Pokemon. For myself, I hope to evolve from "Fat Ass" to "Bad Ass" by spring!

Rumor has it Al is stopping by for beers ... you know she's really coming to make sure you aren't slacking and costing us much needed points!

Drink a beer for me!

p.s. Hoff, as co-captain, please arrive at Lanes and Games early in order to place inspirational post-it notes on the men's bathroom mirror.

From: E
Heading to the lanes this afternoon to practice ;)

From: E
PS...I will deny, if asked in public, ever going to a bowling alley by myself ;)

From: The Hoff
Oh, man, I love my bowling team! So Flo, in terms of WINNING!!, do
you think we should have G sub, or go with The Edge's average?

Taking suggestions for post-it notes?
"They're just jealous"?
"You're a better dancer"?
"Your balls are your friends"?

From: Flo
I leave the decision of G or no G to you co-Captain ... boy, am I glad tonight is the night I'm missing. Too much pressure!

I like the Stuart Smalley approach to self help ...
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me! "
"I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness.
I refuse to beat myself up. I am attractive person.
I am fun to be with. "

"Pick that shit up"
"Let's see some pin action"

The post game wrap up …

From: Varsity
The Hoff and Rumdog bowled AWESOMELY tonight. Rumdog had a killer last game and Hoff won two bottles of wine during the second game for highest over average.

From: The Hoff
Not sure how it will all pan out in the standings, but Rumdog and I were both pretty well over.

A good night!

From: The Edge
Great job... Now who is blogging!?!


  1. Who's blogging? What I want to know is who picks out these bowling alley prizes? A turkey? Bottles of wine? Now if it was a real bowling alley, the top prizes would be a six-pack of brats and...well, a six-pack. Those are the types of winnings that drive a bowler to try harder.

    But maybe I misunderstood. Maybe I don't have all the information. Flo writes that she won an 18 lbs turkey. At first I imagined a dressed up, perfectly browned, 18 lbs bird with bread/apple stuffing cascading out of the cavity. The kind you see gracing the centerfold of Bon Apetit or Gourmet (R.I.P.). But maybe Flo left off that all-important word, "loaf." I'm sure it was an oversight, an exercise in modesty, exhibited by only the best bowlers. What true bowler wouldn't be envious of an 18 lbs Turkey Loaf? I'm drooling just thinking about it, and wishing I was flying out to Boston for Christmas now....

    And that wine. Two bottles! I bet it was Mad Dog, or perhaps a couple of Thunderbirds or Boone's Farm. Anything less would have been a consolation prize--for coming in last.

    Damn, you guys! you have the makings for a regular potluck, a bowlers smorgasbord! Now all you need is some green bean casserole, jello salad, and Kool Aid.

    On second thought, if you get that potluck pulled together, maybe I WILL come to Boston for the holidays. If I can get out from under all this Minnesota snow....

  2. Growing up Lutheran instilled my love of potlucks.

    Growing up Swedish Lutheran inpired a love a potlucks where tables were ladden with meatballs smothered in gravy and fruit suspended in jello. Books have been inspired by the swedes loves of potlucks ... someday I will add mine to the shelf.

    Living on the Left Coast surrounded by foodies, left me with a penchant for potlucks with shrimp ceviche & bellinis. Jello be damned!

    So come on out, I'll throw you a potluck, but no green been casserole and no jello salad! I will however make turkey meatballs.

  3. You guys just crack me up. Years ago I played just to get the prize at the end...a personal bowling hot pink I might add. There was never any email exchanges...I don't think email was invented yet. I miss bowling and wish my husband was waaayyy better at the game.