Week 6. (In 500 words or less)

Brunswick PowrKoil XF*

Apparently, the punishment for submitting a 2000 word essay in lieu of a blithe blog post is being told to try again, in 500 words or less. And so I write. I am not sure who is being punished, you, the reader, or me, the writer. I am hoping it is you.

There has been some debate between TRBC members on whether or not bowling is truly a sport. Our team is divided. I am having trouble accepting bowling is a “real” sport; but, then again, I am also having trouble knocking down the pins. Granted, bowling requires skill and concentration; but physical strength and endurance are not a prerequisite.

Those who know me know I like my sport with a side of adrenaline. I enjoy a physical challenge. I love pushing myself to the limit. I love the rush of endorphins flowing through my body. I like not quite knowing whether I’ll be heading home or to the hospital at the end of the day. What gets my blood pumping? Climbing the cable route of Half Dome mid-Winter with ice picks, crampons and no cable. Sport. Surfing Ocean Beach by the light of the moon, not quite sure if the waves will break behind me or on me. Sport. Running 35 miles through the Sierra Nevada’s in the dark while hallucinating the trees are going to grab me. Sport. Swimming across the Maui Channel hoping the captain keeps his promise to keep the boat between me and the shark that’s been spotted. Sport death.

But these are stories for another blog.

Motherhood has obviously changed my life. I need to be 100% certain I will be home to kiss my babies goodnight. To that end, I decided to take up bowling. The biggest thrill I’ve achieved to date is walking back to my seat and realizing someone drank my beer. Come on! Worst injury? Broken nail. But I am trying to keep an open mind.

I arrived at the bowling alley Sunday as G., professional sub you met in Week 3, was struggling to get his huge roller bag through the doors. Seriously, his bag for one night of bowling was bigger than my carry-on for a week-long business trip. Of course I had to ask what was in there: shoes, 4 bowling balls and the robotic arm*! I watched, fascinated, as he strapped on his robotic arm and adjusted the lever to account for ball velocity, lane dry: oily ratio (FYI: the lanes are usually dry by Sunday), brain wave frequency. The Hoff asked the question which has been on all our minds, is the robotic arm connected to his brain. The answer: YES. Cool.

* Brunswick PowrKoil XF Bowling Wrist Support
 Feather light, durable aluminum construction.
 Lateral adjustments position the hand for changing the roll of the ball.
 Adjusting screws allows fine-tuning of forward wrist cup positions for rev control.
 Available for left or right hand in small, medium, large, and extra-large.
 Extended index finger support enhances side roll for improved length and back-end hook angle

Our opponents Sunday were Team “Dork, Dork, Dork, Goose”. A cute name, but, as M. (Team Captain) pointed out, it’s kind of lame when it appears up on the big screen as “Dork, Dork, Dork”.

R. and M. of DDDG, G. and I tore up the lanes during practice bowl. My teammates were nowhere in sight. I was a little worried that TRBC wasn’t taking the game seriously!

Is it just me, or does G. remind you of Tim Meadows as The Ladies Man? He is “THE DUDE”. He bowls in two leagues, is a sub in two different leagues and enters tournaments on the weekends. His average is 247. As one guy told me last night, if G. gives you any advice, listen to it. Two weeks ago, I asked G. how to improve my score. His advice? Stay home. I did not listen to his advice. I am back, with G. bowling in my lane. I needed to step up my game. I needed to break 100. Heck, I needed to break 90!

Varsity and The Hoff arrived just as League Bowl began. Varsity proudly debuted his new shoes. Black with skulls. The Hoff was sporting her glow in the dark stars shoes. The bowling alley really needs to get ultra violet lights so we can see The Hoff’s stars shine!

Game 1 started slowly. Varsity and The Hoff weren’t in the zone. Varsity knocked 9 pins down on his first bowl, only the 5 pin remained. Easy shot. As he stepped up to bowl his second frame, G. yelled “NOBODY MISSES A 5 PIN!!!” … guess who missed the 5 pin.

Varsity did manage to get a strike a few frames later. G. yelled out “WHO SAID DAVID CAN’T GET A STRIKE!?”. Varsity yelled back “THE EDGE”. G. was making snarky comments all night. G. is now an honorary member of the TRBC.

Someone actually called Varsity “JV” this week. To his face. He was not happy. His game was off. There was no mayhem. There was no dancing. He beat me by only TWO points, that’s right, TWO, in the first game. I’m secretly happy. I’m getting into this sport.

The Hoff spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the “little numbers” above our game total mean. She thought to ask G., since he’s THE DUDE and all. His reply? “I never look at that crap!” Well G., you don’t need to when you’re bowling a 250!

D. stopped by for a visit. She was having a rough night. D.’s boyfriend dumped her the night before and her head wasn’t in the game. She was very depressed, she was wearing an LL Bean crew neck sweater and her hair was in a ponytail. That’s not the D. we know and love.

A member of another team remarked that all the winners of the big League Jackpot have one thing in common: they all have mustaches. The Hoff loudly announced that she is stopping all laser treatments in hopes of growing a handlebar mustache. I admire her commitment to TRBC. I can’t wait to see The Hoff walking around our town sporting her bowling ‘stache.

G. got the highest score over average for the night and won a pizza. He was happy. G. was on track to win the Strike Jackpot of the night, $1324. He made 8 strikes. He missed the 9th. He didn’t win the money. He was not happy. He still shared his pizza and bought TRBC a round of beers. We were happy.

TRBC may not be know as the highest scorers in the league; but, I’m happy to say our reputation as the fun new kids on the block is solid. Other bowlers stopped by to check out our crazy dance moves, unload their heartaches, throw back a few beers. We are hitting our stride!

Sunday Night Stats:
The Hoff: 128, 128, 117
Varsity: 137, 106, 146
Flo: 135, 105, 129
Current League Standing: 6 place
Games Lost: 2
Games Won: 1
Bars of Soap: 0 Team DDDG is much more tolerant than our last opponents.
Rounds of Beer: 3
Slices of Free Pizza: 1

What you’ve all been waiting for … the handicaps! Drum roll please.
Varsity: AVG 137 / HC 93
The Hoff: AVG 135 / HC 95
The Edge: AVG 118 / HC 112
Cap’n Al: AVG 114 / HC 116
Flo: AVG 94 / HC 136

What I learned last night:
Bowling with G. is a sport.
There is money and pizza to be won in bowling.
I had more fun when I didn’t care. I had more fun when bowling wasn’t a sport.
I cannot write a blog post in under 500 words.

Your punishment is over.

Next week we debut our new drinking game ….